MY family

The whole big 'talk' was nothing more than 'liver transplant 101' given by the surgeons with regards to the transplant. Quite interesting really, but given we're not up to that point yet....

I asked why we're here listening to this; when we dont' even know if we're getting a liver yet. Basically, dad is a little further gone than they'd like; so they are 'speeding up proceedings'.

What is hard about transplanting (and probably lots of other debilitating illnesses; in this instance I think of the beautiful Jayne ) is the toll it takes on, not only your family who are related to the person who is suffering; but your own immediate family.

My parents were always wonderful, albeit selfish. They bought us both cars; but expected us to pick them up at whatever time to take them home. They gave us the world, but there was always payment for that world.

Now though, Dad is sick. 'payment' is not something that enters my stratosphere. He wants to see the kids? Fine, I'll bring them over. Want me to check your worms? I'm there.

But that sort of...loyalty? takes it's toll on my own family and, understandably, G is...baffled by our whole family set up. Our entire lives revolve around him. My sister and I can't be in the same room; because our approaches to this are just so different that we, without even trying, rile up the other.

G is hurting because I can't give him anymore than I am already giving. Although, part of me knows that I should make my family a priority - something ingrained in me just can't. I keep thinking that this may be the last time I'll talk/see/tend to his worms etc etc and I just cannot get out of that train of thought.

He's beautiful and I love him dearly. He is very confused and hurt. I understand why and part of me wants to sympathise with him and tell him that, tomorrow, I will be the person he married again.

But I can't.